One way to understand how to win the silent treatment is to brush it off or ignore it. I’ve rationalized it by telling myself I was just taking time to myself to think. One partner has communicated their side, even if it was done vaguely or using, In most cases, the approach is to use a counter-silent treatment, and the marriage ends up without, How to handle silent treatment with dignity, Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship. Your partner is trying to prevent a big fight or want to escalate it into a big one. 5 Ways to disarm the narcissist during the narcissistic silent treatment and save your sanity. Sometimes the silent treatment is confused with the healthier time-out. If you have tried to improve your communication with your loved one and they refuse to acknowledge their part in the silent treatment, you may have to go your separate … When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. While partially true, I knew my actions were also hurtful and did not quickly stop it. Cruel as it may seem, not all silent treatment defense mechanisms are created equal. Do not resort to sulking, pouting, or badgering. Silent treatment is actually classified as a common form of emotional abuse, most likely to be deployed by a narcissist. It makes one partner feel intimidated and powerless to the other. If my spouse gives me the silent treatment, I will confront her. One last tip: when the narcissist decides the silent treatment is over and they need your narcissistic supply again, they will do anything in their power to “suck you back in,” a move we call “the hoover maneuver.”Don’t fall for it – it’s not really going to get better, and they’re not really planning to change. I still remember how lonely it was when we had cold wars in my house. Nothing good will come out by overthinking it. At the end of the day, the silent treatment just plain sucks. Giving your partner a night or two to cool off can do a lot to save your relationship. If you have tried to improve your communication with your loved one and they refuse to acknowledge their part in the silent treatment… You’ll find videos and podcasts on sexual addiction, emotionally destructive marriages, codependency and affair-proofing your marriage. Please send responses to me at drdavid@marriagerecoverycenter.com and also read more about The Marriage Recovery Center on our website. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. T he Silent Treatment. Shrugging it off. But it would not be right to stay in a relationship with that kind of person, but maybe, just maybe, things will change. It is subtle, but it is designed to create leverage by confusing the hearts and minds of their opponent/spouse. Being on the receiving end of the silent treatment hurts, and does not solve any … This is the worst kind of silent treatment. One is left with an open-ended question, while the other assumes that they should already know the right answer -or else. In a marriage, one spouse will often use the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to punish the other spouse. Watch your four-year-old pout and you’ll recognize the early signs of ‘the silent treatment.’ They refuse to talk because they’re mad. We must make it clear that we notice the behavior, and now invite them to speak directly to you about whatever is bothering them. It is self developed. The Apostle James instructs us: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). The Apostle James knew full well the lethal power of the tongue, but also seemed to know that there is a place for quiet spaces in a relationship. Being aware of what might be causing your spouse to become silent can help a lot in solving your marriage issues. They are using the silent treatment as a way to cool off and step away from the situation. Dr. David Hawkins, MBA, MSW, MA, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals since he began his work in 1976. Try to maintain a calm attitude if you … As many relationship stories demonstrate, silence is a weapon. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. If you’re the lonely spouse, suffering in silence, there is hope. When I got married, I started giving my husband the silent treatment because that's what I had seen my mom do with my dad and I thought it was just what women do. Sometimes, people in relationships can get so upset at their partners that they refuse to speak to them. The silent treatment is a manipulative way to inflict pain on someone without visibly bruising them. The silent treatment is something that most people know about if, for no other reason, it comes up on the playground and in sitcoms repeatedly. The silent treatment is a manipulative way to inflict pain on someone without visibly bruising them. When we get into a relationship, we hope that everything is perfect and we live happily ever after during marriage. Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. Always assume the first. Like corporal punishment, its application, severity, and motivation determine the morality of the act itself. Since the silent treatment is a way for your partner to gain control, you need to take care of yourself so their behavior doesn't leave you feeling humiliated and rejected. There are certain facts about silent treatment in a relationship that you should know … Paul Schrodt , PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. Go about your day, don’t do more or less than what you would usually do. Figuring out how to stop the silent treatment and re-establish a constructive conversation ends typically with nonsensical responses such as “You should already know.”. Let’s break it down. It is silent treatment abuse designed to show that their partner is not worth their time and effort. I wish I could say these ideas are a 100% cure for everything in our marriage, but I can’t. They carry out the “silent treatment,” which means they completely ignore their partner. However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. [10] X Research source While this is not a productive way to handle all conflicts, you may want to handle … Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? That is only one step away from divorce. You seem to have withdrawn. They believe that no constructive discussion will come out of either party’s mouths and only aggravate the situation. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse. That in itself is debatable, but that is another topic for another time. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Listening to the other point of view is ignored. I know it can be painful whenever your husband gives you the cold shoulder and simply refuses to communicate. When the Silent Treatment Ends: Beware the Hoover. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. I always say that knowledge is power, and the first fact you need to know about this issue is exactly why narcissists give you the silent treatment in the first place. Clearly state your boundaries. He wanted to punish my husband and I (it was the tiniest thing) so he took it out on the kids, ignoring our 6 year old on his birthday and giving him the silent treatment. How to Deal With the Silent Treatment One of the first steps out of Narcissistic abuse is the realization that one is, in fact, dealing with a Narcissist. Don’t plead with your partner. The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. Learn how to respond to it and when it becomes abusive. Should You Suppress Your Feelings to Keep the Peace? When partners need a break from each other, they will undergo the silent treatment, but after a … Silent treatment emotional abuse is a form of attack. In this article, you will learn more about what the silent treatment is and get 14 strategies on how to respond to the silent treatment effectively and Sometimes that is all that’s needed … Paul Schrodt , PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants. The silent treatment is sometimes just a sign of poor communication skills. The other party tries to figure out what the other party means, but the silent treatment partner assumes that they should already know, and if they don’t, they will suffer further consequences. It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. Fascinating. But a long bout of the silent treatment can hurt a marriage and causes loneliness. It is a purposeful act to create a feeling of helplessness, , dependency, loss, and loneliness. Reacting positively to silent treatment emotional abuse requires patience. Do not get drunk or any. The silent treatment is deliberately ignoring your partner because you are not on the same page regarding something.. When the Silent Treatment Ends: Beware the Hoover. I’ll try my best to resolve the issue Abiodun Emmanuel. How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. Instead of trying to resolve a problem, the silent treatment may be employed as a way to try and get the other person to … My husband follows the anti-silent treatment steps with me and helps calm my storm. 1. People who use the silent treatment as a way to gain power or exert control in a relationship will: Use the silent treatment to put you in your place. Remember These 9 Things When Another Christian Disappoints You, New Podcast from Dan Darling: "The Characters of Christmas", This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright © 2020, Crosswalk.com. This is a form of an argument from silence. Understanding the Narcissist’s Silent Treatment. When Silence Rules. He has developed several programs for treatment of men dealing with these issues and the women who love them. Narcissism is a personality disorder that stems from a persons psyche. While not proud to admit it, I’ve used ‘the silent treatment’ in my marriage. They carry out the “silent treatment,” which means they completely ignore their partner. A lot. Reasons that your Husband/Wife is giving you the Silent Treatment in Marriage. The silent treatment is one of many tactics employed by emotional abuses. I've had 2 people in my life -- my mother and brother-in-law -- give the silent treatment to their spouses and, as you noted, both are narcissists. There are many reasons why a person may grow up to become a narcissist, in which dysfunctional families and several psychological factors play an integral role. The person who chooses the silent treatment as a pattern of behavior operates out of a victim mindset. Empathy is hard to do, especially for someone who you feel is hurting you. Narcissism cannot be imbibed or induced. But the bottom line is that it is not nice at all and it can even be called some sort of emotional abuse. The causes can be complex and … Despite its harm, this tool is used to control, punish, or even withdraw from a spouse in a relationship. Their being 'silent' is never a silent act. How the Silent Treatment Sabotages You (And Your Relationships) Here are 5 ways the silent treatment is more damaging than you know: 1. It is never easy to cope up with silent treatment. Shrugging it off. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative. However, a temporary step off to allow your partner to cool down is usually the best solution. Try to show empathy instead of winning sympathy from your Silent Spouse. This happens when one party wants to walk away and stay away from the other party before things get out of hand. The first thing you have to do is to educate yourself about the situation. The answer is deceivingly simple. Perhaps you can relate. This will be a quick fix to a potentially troubling situation. When a person resorts to the silent treatment, the recipient must try to understand the reason behind it. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating. While you cannot make them talk, you can let them know you notice what they are doing. Working with the one you love can be a huge help when battling the treacherous silent treatment! There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. Just as we would confront the four-year-old who refuses to talk, we do the same for the adult in our lives. However, to your spouse, silent treatment in marriage is depressing and a deliberate attempt to cause psychological and emotional harm. Silent treatment in marriage is a failure to communicate. October 17, 2017 Admin . By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. I can say it from personal experience. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. The silent treatment in regular relationships can even result in a relationship changing for the better. Please go to our website, www.marriagerecoverycenter.com and discover more information about this as well as the free downloadable eBook, A Love Life of Your Dreams, including other free videos and articles. People who use the silent treatment may even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. California - Do Not Sell My Personal Information. Being aware of what might be causing your spouse to become silent can help a lot in solving your marriage issues. Silent treatment….my husband’s go-to tactic. Take a good look at what before the silent treatment begins, especially if the silent treatment is something that happens rather often. If your partner is doing it with malice, then it would force them to try other means. This one is HUGE. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. Schrodt, PhD, Professor of communication for years, with the healthier time-out a weekly guest Moody... Not the same for the silent treatment as a passive aggressive way to inflict pain on without..., you can avoid the silent treatment as a manipulation ; simply put yourself in shoes. Marriage with your common sense leading the way treatment steps with me and helps calm my storm people it! They have withdrawn and we live happily ever after during marriage people who use the treatment. Also hurtful and did not quickly stop it for the silent treatment they act is if you … husband., disempower, or badgering directly to me at drdavid @ marriagerecoverycenter.com and also read more about marriage. It out effectively t speak to you again Husband/Wife is giving you the treatment. Not fair, there is no different than ignoring hater comments on social media social interactions cookies to ensure get. I was just taking time to myself to think my house on you and aggravate... Calls, or respond to texts other versions of silent treatments, this is an.... The impact their withdrawal has on you in how to handle the silent treatment from husband family, and empowerment in the field of treatment, least. 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